(The vague) Self
Interview
How are you feeling right now?
I’m quite anxious.
I’ve been biting my nails a lot. Yeah, I’ve been anxious a lot, actually.
Are you ready to start?
I’m not sure I am
ready. Maybe we shouldn’t start yet. I think I need to calm down. I will not
know what to say….I haven’t prepared.
So, should we wait for bit?
Uuumm, maybe. Let me
just move around a bit…see how I feel afterwards. Are you in a hurry?
Not really, I mean, we can wait
…are you sure you are alright?
Yeah, I’ll be fine.
I just need to move around for a bit. [Breathes
in through the nose and out through the mouth noisily]
[Pacing around nervously] You know, the
other day I went to an event and one of the hosts started by talking about delaying
starting. Delaying starting something puts you in a position where there are
more possibilities. Once you’ve started, the possibilities are substantially
less.
Why
did you bring that up? Does that interest you?
It does. Has been on
my mind ever since: delay the start. Maybe
because I tend to procrastinate a lot and this idea fit in well with that (?) Well,
…not really. Seriously [Still moving], maybe because I am interested in things
that are not final, finished, polished. In my work, that is. The emphasis is in
the process and not in a finished outcome. Once I consciously start, I loose
interest.
How
do you resolve your work/ a project?
[Stops slightly out of breath] That is a
good question.
[Long pause]
When I am working,
finishing what I am doing doesn’t get thought about too much, as in a conscious
way. Everything just tends to unravel and happen and it is considered finished
when the particular process I am following at the time comes to an end; often a
task, or a procedure or a sequence of events / tasks. But I would like to think
that I never really started, therefore never finish.
What
sort of work are you talking about?
I am referring to
visual work, drawing and photography. That’s interesting: I momentarily forgot
about the bookwork. A book is a finished thing, right? So what I said before
doesn’t make entire sense. I need to keep moving for longer [breathes in and out, noisily and fast, again].
I’m not making any sense.
Where
do you get your ideas from? What makes you do the work that you do?
[Stops, standing still] Its difficult-
perhaps interestingly so- to define a clear source for ideas. I think ideas
tend to be more impulses and tend to come from actions. They tend to be
intuitive and responding to something material, some quality/ connection that
is visible to me in that particular moment in time. It seems that there is an
inner intelligence that I can’t rationalise which recognises all these little
connections. Maybe I don’t work with ideas….that may explain why I can’t work
to briefs/ commissions.
Now- movement and
performance are whole new territories for me. I am still figuring out a process
that is mine. [Sits down]
Are
you ok?
Yes, I’m much better
now.
Ok,
should we start?
Ana Vicente
16th May 2015
